Camping
by ElephantTea
Summary: Sniper and Engineer planned on spending the weekend camping, away from the other mercenaries. They would go fishing, hunting, rough it out in the wilderness, and do manly things, but they didn't count on having to babysit as well.


Not everyone enjoys the great outdoors, in fact very few of RED's mercenaries did. Hence, when Sniper and Engineer planned their camping trip, they planned for it to be just them. Medic and Heavy had plans for the weekend, Pyro couldn't be trusted outside without a leash, Soldier and Demoman would have scared all the fish in the lake, and Spy couldn't be bothered to leave his smoking room. Then there was Scout. Scout claimed he was 'the best' at camping, but then again he said that about a lot of things. When it came to the Scout, it was more of Sniper and Engineer's choice not to bring him along.

"Got everything?" Engineer asked as Sniper finished packing the last of the supplies into his van. Two tents, fishing rods, Sniper's rifle, extra food in case they got stranded, and various other necessities all filled the back of the van.

"Yep, Oi think so," Sniper said as he shut the back door.

Suddenly, the air was filled with the sounds of a struggle.

"HEY! Lemme go!"

"_Raus! _I vill not have you ruining my vork zhis veekend!"

Medic appeared at the door to the base, dragging Scout by his collar. With a single heave, the German tossed Scout out the door where he landed in the red dust below. With a slam that echoed through the desert, Medic shut and locked the door. Scout got up and brushed himself off, and immediately ran to the door and tried to open it, to no avail. Although it was entertaining to watch the boy wrestle with the door, the Engineer was getting concerned.

"Hey, maybe we should invite him ta come with us?" he whispered to the Sniper, who was barely containing his giggles.

"Wot? No!" Sniper nearly shouted in reply, he face screwed up in disgust, "Do you want to catch any fish this weekend? If ya do then we ain't bringin' the little bugger along. Besides, we only brought two tents."

"What about your van? We can't leave him outside," Engineer reasoned, running a hand over his bald head, "Little brat 'll die a heatstroke."

"Oi'm not lettin' 'im sleep in moi van!" Sniper snapped, finally managing to snag Scout's attention, if only accidentally.

"Ya don't have to," the Engineer continued, no longer caring whether or not Scout heard, "Make him sleep in the tent and you can have the van."

By now, the Scout had made his way over to them, and had started asking a bunch of questions. None of which the older men listened to. Sniper could see that no matter how much he protested, Engineer would make them take the little bugger, and his planned peaceful weekend was going to turn into a babysitting job.

"Foine. He can come."

So all three piled into the van, Sniper driving, Engineer riding shotgun (with his shotgun… wait, when did this turn into GTA 5?) and Scout was between them, chatting up a storm. Are we there yet? What are we gonna do when we get there? Are gonna see any bears? Can I shoot one?

"Shut yer trap, ye noisy little brat!" Sniper finally snapped from the driver's seat. He had already had enough of the Scout's chatter. It took all of his self control to keep from dumping the kid on the side of the road and making him walk all the way back to the base.

Surprisingly enough, Sniper's little outburst was enough to keep Scout quiet for the rest of the trip. Soon, cacti turned into sagebrush, which then turned into short pine trees. Eventually, the trees got larger and larger, until they were surrounded in forest. The van pulled onto a dirt road that went on for a few miles before abruptly stopping.

They seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. They hadn't come across a town for miles, but it didn't matter. Sniper thought the scene before him was beautiful; a small lake surrounded by tall pines and stocked with trout. It was about three in the afternoon, and all Scout wanted to do was jump in that lake and swim for an hour.

Unfortunately for him, Sniper and Engineer had other plans.

"Git back here, Scout," the aussie said when he saw the kid make a bee-line for the lake, "Set up yer tent first."

Scout was almost knocked onto his back by the rolled up tent Sniper threw at him. Judging by how many pieces there were, and the fact that Engineer was already almost halfway done with his, he figured it'd be pretty easy. Boy was he wrong.

He'd forgotten to account for the fact that Engineer was a genius. Fifteen minutes into it, Scout had succeeded in laying out the pieces, and trying to read the instructions upside-down. Meanwhile, Engineer and Sniper had already gone to the lake, toting fishing poles and a tackle box. After another fifteen minutes, Scout had successfully assembled the tent. Inside-out. But he figured that was good enough for now, I mean, it was up, right?

So he decided to join his teammates at the lake. Not wanting to get his only set of clothes wet, he stripped to his boxers, and snuck past the older men and out onto a rocky overhang that dropped down into the water. With a running start, Scout leapt from the rock.

"WOO-HOO!"

*SPLASH*

Scout had misjudged how close he was to Sniper and Engineer. He thought they were farther away, but they were almost right underneath him. So not only did Scout manage to soak the two, he also managed to become tangled in their fishing lines.

Sniper was absolutely furious. If Scout's yelling hadn't scared away the fish, then his disturbing the water definitely had. It was getting late enough that the water would be cold enough that the fish wouldn't even bite by the time they'd recovered from Scout's intrusion.

"Ye bloomin' IDIOT!" shouted Sniper as Scout drug himself out of the water, tangled in fishing line with two hooks embedded in his flesh, "Ye scared away the fish, an' prob'ly any other wildlife foolish enough ta come 'round here too!"

"Whoa there, calm down, Sniper," Engineer said calmly as he packed up the tackle. He cut the line Scout was tangled in and grabbed the fishing poles. "Go find yer clothes, kid. I'll pull those hooks outa ya when ya get back ta camp."

Scout moped back up the hill to where he thought he left his clothes. But he couldn't find them. All the trees looked the same, but Scout was sure he had left his clothes under one of them. He was quite the sight to behold, a skinny kid running around the woods in nothing but his boxers, trying frantically to find where he left his clothes.

He was busy digging around a blackberry bush, scratching every inch of his exposed skin against the thorns, when a yapping sound caused him to look up. There, beneath another tree, was a coyote, sniffing at a lump of clothing on the ground.

Finally! Scout had found his clothes. But no sooner did the boy rise from the bushes that the animal grabbed his pants and shirt and ran off with them.

"Hey! Hey, come back here!" Scout shouted as he sprinted after the animal. For all his pride at running, the boy just wasn't used to running without shoes. Pine needles, cones, rocks, and other sharp things all slowed him down until the coyote had shaken his pursuit. Scout let out a string of profanities worthy of note before giving up and trudging back to their campsite.


End file.
